Dearly beloved, we are
Gathered today from far
And near anticipating
The sermon for the waiting.
I see you waiting, waiting, waiting
I feel you hating, hating, hating
Trying to break me, watch me fall
Wondering when for mercy I will call.
Now you’ve made me angry
I swear you’ll never see me,
Not while I’m on this earth
Begging for what I’m worth.
Will the holy hear my side?
Will the angels heal my pride?
I really would not think so
Instead I’ll hope to know.
Show me where in your good book,
Where so I can take a look
Where it says that I should be
Denied any sympathy?
I watch you wait as the clock ticks
Your whispered word hurts and sticks
When do I get to hear your price
The weighted cost of sacrifice?
I prayed at your crying shrine
Erected for me to waste my time
My innocence long gone within
Through your fabrication of sin.
Are you still watching? Are you still waiting?
Do you think my stumbles are just baiting?
Instead of placing all of these demands
Why can’t you just lend your hands?
I’m sinking deeper, no flotation
As you create brand new information
How am I possibly supposed
To satisfy you as my host?
You wrote in sight of God and men
And how could you be unguarded when
You tried to destroy a piece of me
A part that you refused to see?
Inflamed rhetoric gets me nowhere
There are no pieces left to share
As I stumble and I falter;
I’m still kneeling at your alter.
You still sit atop your steeple
Scathing judgement at the people
When all we asked for was advice
We didn’t know this was the price.
You compare my life as simple
The way a smile can make a dimple
I wish you knew a thing or two
About what led me here to you.
There need not be an admission
I’m not engaged in competition
I just want to try to live my life
So sheath that sharpened knife.
Why are you watching, why are you waiting?
Is it my demise you’re anticipating?
I see you watch, I see you wait
Sit back child and quell your hate.
In five weeks you took more of my tears
Than I’d shed in the last five years
But you won’t take my fighting spirit
It’s mine and only I shall keep it.
You did what you did to protect yourself
Even when it took my health
And still you pressed and pushed and waited
While smiling, sneering, breathing abated.
You see I could be filled with hatred
An all consuming sense of dread
No, because instead what I will do
Is offer you a sincere ‘thank you.’
In light of all this information
You have given me inspiration
For I stayed standing, did not fall
When my back was against the wall.
Are you waiting for the main course?
You need to climb down from your high horse
Or are you waiting for my temper
Or some nefarious agenda?
I’ll sing your praises ‘hallelujah!’
You’ve made me stronger than before
I know that was your opposite intention
But that’s my resourceful intervention.
This confession is my absolute
My church is how I’m resolute
As you took your lies to a point beyond
Which I had any reason left to respond.
I was sinking with my head above water
Went to you like a lamb to the slaughter
And as I walked your faux processional
It was you who needed the confessional.
I could have a been a martyr for your sacrifice
Demanded; you aren’t taking my life
I’ll leave you hiding, waiting again
As I’m moving on; that’s my amen.
© Kris Blackburn 28/08/2015