Sermon for the Waiting

Dearly beloved, we are

Gathered today from far

And near anticipating

The sermon for the waiting.

 

I see you waiting, waiting, waiting

I feel you hating, hating, hating

Trying to break me, watch me fall

Wondering when for mercy I will call.

 

Now you’ve made me angry

I swear you’ll never see me,

Not while I’m on this earth

Begging for what I’m worth.

 

Will the holy hear my side?

Will the angels heal my pride?

I really would not think so

Instead I’ll hope to know.

 

Show me where in your good book,

Where so I can take a look

Where it says that I should be

Denied any sympathy?

 

I watch you wait as the clock ticks

Your whispered word hurts and sticks

When do I get to hear your price

The weighted cost of sacrifice?

 

I prayed at your crying shrine

Erected for me to waste my time

My innocence long gone within

Through your fabrication of sin.

 

Are you still watching? Are you still waiting?

Do you think my stumbles are just baiting?

Instead of placing all of these demands

Why can’t you just lend your hands?

 

I’m sinking deeper, no flotation

As you create brand new information

How am I possibly supposed

To satisfy you as my host?

 

You wrote in sight of God and men

And how could you be unguarded when

You tried to destroy a piece of me

A part that you refused to see?

 

Inflamed rhetoric gets me nowhere

There are no pieces left to share

As I stumble and I falter;

I’m still kneeling at your alter.

 

You still sit atop your steeple

Scathing judgement at the people

When all we asked for was advice

We didn’t know this was the price.

 

You compare my life as simple

The way a smile can make a dimple

I wish you knew a thing or two

About what led me here to you.

 

There need not be an admission

I’m not engaged in competition

I just want to try to live my life

So sheath that sharpened knife.

 

Why are you watching, why are you waiting?

Is it my demise you’re anticipating?

I see you watch, I see you wait

Sit back child and quell your hate.

 

In five weeks you took more of my tears

Than I’d shed in the last five years

But you won’t take my fighting spirit

It’s mine and only I shall keep it.

 

You did what you did to protect yourself

Even when it took my health

And still you pressed and pushed and waited

While smiling, sneering, breathing abated.

 

You see I could be filled with hatred

An all consuming sense of dread

No, because instead what I will do

Is offer you a sincere ‘thank you.’

 

In light of all this information

You have given me inspiration

For I stayed standing, did not fall

When my back was against the wall.

 

Are you waiting for the main course?

You need to climb down from your high horse

Or are you waiting for my temper

Or some nefarious agenda?

 

I’ll sing your praises ‘hallelujah!’

You’ve made me stronger than before

I know that was your opposite intention

But that’s my resourceful intervention.

 

This confession is my absolute

My church is how I’m resolute

As you took your lies to a point beyond

Which I had any reason left to respond.

 

I was sinking with my head above water

Went to you like a lamb to the slaughter

And as I walked your faux processional

It was you who needed the confessional.

 

I could have a been a martyr for your sacrifice

Demanded; you aren’t taking my life

I’ll leave you hiding, waiting again

As I’m moving on; that’s my amen.

 

Amen.

 

© Kris Blackburn 28/08/2015

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