I never wanted anyone to see
Everything inside that makes me me
But you have me feeling open wide
Wide so wide with nothing to hide.
I just get scared that because I’m a mess
You will start to feel for me less and less
When you see what’s there and who I am
And you will find yourself a better man.
I know I’m such a child and I’m wrong
Because it is together that we belong
But I’ll never get you back if I can’t see
That I’m pushing you away from me.
All I had to do was wait
Stop acting like it’s too late
Think hard before I start to speak
Not behave and act so weak.
The worst of this is how sad I am
At behaving not like a real man
Letting neuroses rule everything I do
Neuroses taking me away from you.
They exist in me like a parasite
Stopping me from doing what’s right
Feeding off of my negativity
Wanting to keep you away from me.
Everything I want, everything I need
I made peace with and long agreed
Is you, your touch, and gentle face
Your love of cats, your love of space.
I want those legs and thighs and feet
Your breasts, your belly, groin and seat
I want your arms and hands and toes
I want those eyes, those lips, that nose.
I fear and scream that I won’t get
To press my mouth onto your neck
To walk together both hand in hand
To feel you make me grow and stand.
Only you can complete this broken mind
With your manner calm and kind
You don’t deserve these things I say
Do not deserve my being this way.
I would not begrudge you leaving now
Without fanfare, courteous bow
I can’t blame you, wouldn’t try to
As you escape to pastures new.
If a genie granted me one wish
I would take back all of this
So I could start again, a better man
And be the man you think I am.
My love is strong but I am weak
To this voice that makes me freak
Yet I will fight it tooth and nail
To be with you, my Holy Grail.
Again I’m sorry, though said before
My apologies littering dusty floor
But all of my pain and negativity
Is just down to my vulnerability.
My instinct says to hold you tight
But I just want to do what’s right
I truly love you so very much
I just need now to show you such.
I can’t ask you to wait or tell you to go
And no matter the choice you need to know
That I want to be someone of whom you can be proud
So we can stand together and declare our love loud.
And no matter my noises or my stupid fear
Even when all is still bright and clear
If you should decide that this is too hard to do
Know I’ll never know love like this I have for you.
© Kris Blackburn 20/08/14